If South African politicians were superheroes… or not so superheroes
Much like the superhero multiverse, South African politics plays host to a weird spectrum of people.
Now, these aren’t Marvel heroes saving the world from imminent destruction. Nope, these are the heroes you won’t see saving the day want saving the day.
Helen Zille – Leader of the DA
Hero: Rainbow Girl
Superpower: Rainbow Zille has the power to influence the entire spectrum of human emotions, but unfortunately all she manages is to confuse her opposition into calling her a racist madam.
Julius Malema – Leader of the EFF
Hero: Thunderer
Superpower: Despite being able to yell really, really loudly, he’s not really all that useful.
Blade Nzimande – minister of higher education
Hero: Colour Kid
Superpower: He’s got the power to change anything into whichever colour he wants, so white becomes black and right becomes wrong… in his books.
Tina Joemat-Pettersson – Minister of Energy
Hero: Squirrel Girl
Superpower: She’s got sharp claws and buck teeth capable of chewing through anything, even constitutional laws governing nuclear power agreements.
Bantu Holomisa – Leader of the UDM
Hero: Dazzler
Superpower: Well, Dazzler is able to convert music into disco lights and much like the UDM, disco is dead.
Pieter Mulder – Leader of the Freedom Front Plus
Hero: Cypher
Superpower: Despite his insane intelligence, he’s really only known for his hair… oh and switching sides when it suits him.
Marius Fransman – ANC Western Cape Leader
Hero: Arm-Fall-Off-Boy
Superpower: Breaks off his own arms and, much like Fransman’s political prowess, uses them as blunt weapons.
Jacob Zuma – Leader of the ANC
Hero: Hindsight lad
Superpower: He’s got 20/20 hindsight, but it seldom stops him from making the same stupid mistakes in the future.
Images:en.wikipedia.org